Your Intrepid Reporter is always seeking ways to bypass the Thieves and Sexual Assailants at airports, thus ensuring pleasant and, more importantly, safe travel. (Like all of Leviathan’s bureaucracies, the TSA’s professed mission and its actual one diametrically oppose each other. The TSA has murdered one passenger and is morally responsible for the death of another. It has damaged sensitive equipment on aircraft, which could have caused a crash. Its forces passengers to walk barefoot on filthy airport floors, risking their health. Etc., ad infinitum.)
I could fly such airlines as Tradewinds Aviation. They circumvent the TSA’s rigmarole with planes so small they fall below the federal “mandate” to manhandle. Unfortunately, transport that tiny doesn’t go anywhere foreign, unless you count Boston.
Or I could adopt Eric Morris’ tactics, though at best they’ll only cut short my gate-rape. This blogger tells me he “used to sing ‘God Bless America’ to them while they were fondling me. I am a bad singer.”
Or I could get lucky, as did eleven passengers who avoided the TSA’s nonsense by sailing through “an unattended TSA PreCheck checkpoint at Kennedy Airport [in New York City] early Monday morning…” Indeed, three of them even hit the jackpot: they “didn’t receive ‘required secondary screening’ [sic for ‘sexual assault’] after setting off an alarm in the walk-through metal detector.” They peaceably boarded their flights and departed JFK.
Good for them! We should expand this free pass to all of the airlines’ customers, not just a fortunate few.
But of course, the brainwashed sheeple the media always finds—or manufactures—don’t share our magnanimity. Quoth one, “We rely on that to make sure our flight is safe; to make sure everyone on there is not a danger; doesn’t pose any danger and we can fly safely. … So that’s a little scary.” A proud graduate of the publik ejoocashunal goolag, no doubt.
Quoth another, “You only have to have one person do one bad thing and the whole system is [sic]– it’s a difficult job they have…” Ditto on Gutless Wonder’s academic background.
For two hours following this “frightening breach,” the TSA’s perverts scoured the airport for our Lucky Eleven rather than calling the cops as their absurd “protocols” demand. Need I add that the incompetent boobs who failed to locate 96% of contraband during in-house testing couldn’t run even one of their quarry to ground? Though surveillance footage did allow Our Rulers to identify three of the Victims Who Got Away (always don a baseball cap or a hat with a brim when you venture into an airport—and, increasingly, any public area. Some folks also wear a shirt or an entire outfit of one color through the checkpoint and then change to another of a dramatically different hue before arriving at their gates). They punished the trio by “search[ing them] once they landed.”
Way to go, TSA! Close the ol’ barn door after the horse has not only escaped but cantered into the next county!
Meanwhile, the media is doing its best to gin up hysteria over this serendipity. So is one of DC’s most nauseating politicians, Sen. UpChuck Schumer (Communist-NY) “This security breach is inexcusable,” Upchuck huffed. “To have people go through the security lines unchecked, and then for TSA not to alert the Port Authority for two hours — can you imagine what could happen within two hours?”
Yeah, I can: nothing. With eleven innocent, unmolested passengers on the loose at 30,000 feet, absolutely no planes fell out of the sky. No bombs exploded in any fuselage. No Muricans died. I’d say that once again, the TSA has demonstrated its utter irrelevance.
No matter: UpChuck predictably decreed that “The TSA has to tighten things up.”
Once it does, why not send its gropers over to the Senate? Let ’em goose UpChuck and his fellow terrorists as they exterminate our few remaining freedoms.
11:36 am on February 22, 2017
