I see people are freaked out over the latest couple Terrorist Lite attacks (all of the fear, but fewer casualties.) Hey, maybe the TV and radio news can do a terrorism report like they do the weather and traffic! “Traffic is down to a crawl on the 405 this morning, thanks to a three car fender bender in the number two lane…and the 10 is packed solid thanks to a stalled big rig! And now, here’s Bob-O with our Homeland Security Report! Thanks, John! Homeland Security is predicting light to moderate terrorist attacks across the nation today, with fairly heavy showers of homemade Katyusha rockets falling at times. People will want to remember their Kevlar umbrellas! TSA is mandating all passengers wear straitjackets for boarding flights, so make sure to wear your adult incontinence undergarments if you’re headed out to catch a flight today. That’s it for Terrorism, and now sports…”

The Best of Jack Perry