This exciting week, the man who would be king of everything made his first pronouncements. Greenland should be purchased by the United States. Canada should sell itself to the US. The Gulf of Mexico should be renamed ‘Gulf of America.’
Trump has started a scramble of imperial rebranding. France wants the return of what was called the Louisiana Purchase. `We sold it too cheap in 1803 to the United States for only $15 million because we bankrupted ourselves financing the American revolution against the perfidious Brits. We want it back – with interest. We also want parts of Quebec seized by the US. Vive la France!’
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Not to be outdone, Spain and Mexico have joined in a class action suit to demand that the United States hand back the parts of northern Mexico and California it grabbed in the 1840’s.
Mexico was forced to give up over 55% of its land to the Americans. The late French nationalist leader, Jean Marie Le Pen, whom I interviewed in the 1980’s, told me ‘you Americans stole California from Mexico. Now they are taking it back through immigration.’ A bon mot, as the French say.
Spain has laid claims to California, which it once ruled. Spain also wants back the Philippines and Cuba. Holland wants back Manhattan and the upper Hudson Valley. I attended a fine Dutch school in New York City founded in 1635.
Germany wants back its former colonies of Samoa and the Marshall Islands. Russia demands China return the great naval base at Port Arthur (Lushun). Beijing also wants Moscow to return vast regions of Siberia occupied in the 19th century when China was weak.
India, Pakistan and China all have large counterclaims in the Karakorams and Himalayas. Trump could resolve these festering issues among nuclear-armed nations once he figures out where they are.
As for darkest Africa, don’t even ask. Trump has called these places ‘shit holes’ and he’s not far off the mark.
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Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, is busy trying to turn little Albania into another St. Tropez. There’s also talk he may be planning the same fate for the Gaza Strip, once he figures out what to do with its wretched inhabitants, almost 50,000 of whom have been killed and another 100,000 wounded by US weapons donated by the confused old dotard, Joe Biden.
It would be nice not to have Israel’s ultra-right hawks and their Wall Street moneymen running the US presidency and Congress. What we need is some red-blooded real estate guys. They know how to solve just about any problems by building condos and casinos. They also know how to make piles of debt vanish into thin air. And to transform underused real estate, like Greenland, into useful, income-producing investments.
Historic relics like the Panama and Suez canals need be renamed ‘Trumpways’ and put under the control of the New York Port Authority.
Britain, now run by losers and pervs, in Trump’s view, would make a dandy candidate for inclusion as the 51st state with Canada, or a new 52nd state. True, most Canadians don’t want to be part of the US but offer them a tax cut of 50% and send in the New York City police department which is larger than the Canadian Army, and their tune will change. Besides, Trump knows a hell of a lot about Canada from watching Fox TV. Canada will learn to love King Donald I.
