I am the world’s law. I judge every country on earth.

America is the greatest country on Earth. The rest of you are beneath us, and I am us. I know what’s good for you. You don’t.

I carry the biggest stick in the world, and I don’t walk softly.

You are benighted morally. I am exceptional. I am indispensable. I am your global leader.

I am judge, jury and executioner. What I say goes, and it’s right. Gaddafi, die. Assad, resign or I will rain thousands of missiles on your country. I killed Osama bin Laden. I will kill more. More must be killed. Putin, you are in my crosshairs. Ali Khamenei, I’m ready to bomb your country.

My killing expresses my values, and my values are America’s values. When my agents killed bin Laden, it was for diversity, the LGBT community, minorities, immigrants, and every other PC group you can name. I am the queen of political correctness. I am the chief social justice warrior. These are what a president should be.

My killing is always right, because I am the law. What I decree is right. There is no other right. My judgment is infallible.

My accusations are fact because I decide the case and I punish. I wield the biggest sword. My might and my right are one.

Hack me and you are an enemy. I will smite you ten times over.

I believe in revenge, and I have a long memory. I will get you.

I am indispensable. I am compassionate. I am unselfish. I kill you for your own good. I maim children for the good of their country and the world.

I am the world’s last hope. God is absent from Earth, but I stand. There is nothing else. I am great. I am the great one. I am the greatest.

I define what’s moral, and I enforce it.

I am strong, stronger than anyone else. I work harder. God has blessed me. I stand in his place.

Without me, you exist in a vacuum. Without me, you are nothing.

Being this nation’s commander-in-chief is a great responsibility. I am the chosen one of my great party, so I must be great.

I will make this world a better place, even if I have to kill millions, even billions to do it; even if I have to make the planet uninhabitable.

What makes America exceptional? Its force and its willingness to use it fiercely. I won’t hesitate to keep America exceptional by using that force fiercely.

I use force for my values, which are America’s values, and this is moral. What other morality is there? None, because I am God’s proxy on Earth and God is the God of the ancient Hebrews, ready to slay whole tribes and nations to cleanse the Earth.

I will defend all those who become my allies. I have that much power, yes. History will reach its end and mankind its destiny with America in charge. That is its destiny. Not Russia, not China, not a group of other nations or peoples, not all peoples, but America.

I have the best military. It doesn’t lose, ever. It never has lost. Anyone who says so is a liar and a cur. It might make a tactical withdrawal now and then, or make a temporary truce lasting 60 years; but these are all for the good. We never lose and we do not make mistakes. Indeed, I want more money for the military. It’s the best, but I want it to modernize it.

If you think that’s contradictory, just remember: I am always right. I define right. I make right. I exemplify right, because I lead America, and America is exceptional and indispensable.

The Best of Michael S. Rozeff