In reading the New York State travel advisory, I am reminded of one of my favorite scenes from a Woody Allen movie, this one from Bananas.  Having ascended to power, the dictatorial rebel leader Esposito announces his new rules for San Marcos:

From this day on, the official language of San Marcos will be Swedish. … In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now…16 years old!

Woody’s character Fielding Mellish cracks, “What’s the Spanish word for straitjacket?”  The Spanish word is camisa de fuerza.  The Swedish word is tvångströja.  In any language, Gov. Andrew Cuomo surely needs one.  It is bad enough that he is running the state by executive order.  Worse is that the orders are nuts.  If Woody Allen were to make a comic version of 1984, he could model “Big Brother” on Andrew Cuomo.

Last week, I flew into Buffalo.  It was my first flight this year into New York, a state in which I have owned a summer cottage for the last 30 years.  Coming from Missouri, a state on New York’s travel advisory, I had to fill out a two-sided form promising that I would quarantine in place for 14 days.  As if. Unmasking Obama: The F... Cashill, Jack Buy New $9.99 (as of 03:33 UTC - Details)

Missouri has had about 25 COVID-19 deaths per 100,00 people.  New York has had about 165.  In the western part of Missouri where I live, the rate is considerably lower.  No matter.  By some perverse calculation, my return to New York threatened to put the state’s residents at some elevated risk.

To visit my own cottage, I had to promise not to be in public or otherwise leave the quarters that they have identified as “suitable.”  These “quarters” — how quaint — had to have “separate bathroom facilities for each individual or family group.”  More than that, I had to have “access to a sink with soap and water, and paper towels.”

Esposito would have been hard pressed to imagine rules this absurd and unenforceable: “Food must be delivered to the individual’s quarters”; “Garbage must be bagged and left outside by the door of each of the quarters”; “Individuals should self-monitor for fever and other symptoms of COVID-19 daily.”

Big Brother Andy promises that “enforcement teams” will be stationed to “greet disembarking passengers to request proof of completion of the State Department of Health traveler form.”  He isn’t kidding.  My flight had no more than 20 people on board, but two officials were waiting at 9:00 P.M. on a Sunday night to collect our letters of transit.  The penalty for leaving the airport without completing the form is a $2,000 fine and a mandatory quarantine.  Knowing this, I filled mine out.  I wrote on it, “Under protest, self-destructive, wasteful, oppressive.”

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