Tsunamis are nature’s surprise party. The sky is blue, the waves lap the shore gently as usual. No reason to pack up the beach towel – much less run to the car and drive at top speed as fast as you can to the nearest highest ground.
But across the ocean, an earthquake. The wave is coming, even if all looks fine here – for now.
Such an earthquake hit the other day, across the ocean – in Europe. And the tsunami is coming. It will hit us about two years from now. And when it hits, you won’t be able to drive fast to the nearest high ground.
Or get away from a psychotic squeegee man.
The European Union has decreed – fatwa’d – that beginning with the 2022 model year, all new cars shall be electronically gelded, forced by software to hew to every speed limit, all the time. The same software – and hardware – that probably two-thirds of all new cars sold here already have – merely awaiting activation.
Helpful, convenient GPS mapping – so much easier than having to read and handle a paper map, as people used to.
Helpful, convenient “driver assists” – such as the little cameras that enable your car to automatically brake itself when those electronic eyes see another car up ahead, moving more slowly than your car. These cameras also see – and know, via the GPS mapping data, updated regularly – what the speed limit is on every road you drive.
And the car knows exactly how fast you are driving, in real time – all the time.
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See the helpful little icon on the touchscreen? The one that looks just like a speed limit sign? Watch it change from 45 to 35, as the speed limit on the road you’re driving on changes. Now watch as it turns angry red, to warn you that you are driving faster – even if only by 1 MPH – than the posted speed limit.
For now, it is just a warning.
In Europe, it’s soon to be the cue for the car to slow itself down, whether you want to or not.
“Intelligent Speed Assist” will cut throttle – over which you have no real control, since the throttle is controlled by the car’s computer and not by your right foot, no matter how furiously you mash the accelerator pedal. Which is really just a throttle input sensor – “drive by wire” – which transmits data about how far down you have pushed the pedal, sends the data to the ECU – the computer that is in control of the engine – which then decides how much to rev the engine.
It can decide to not rev it at all.
And beginning in 2022, it will do just that.
