Do any of you believe that politicians write their own speeches? Their own books? Their own blogs? If so, please contact me if you’d like to buy the Golden Gate Bridge. I’ll sell it to you on a subprime mortgage or using Fannie Mac or Freddie Mae or whatever those places are with oatmeal-poundingly stupid names. I always thought Freddie Mac was a song from the early 1960s. And Fannie Mae sounds like that weird aunt that collects commemorative plates of United States presidents from late night TV infomercials. She says, “I’ll leave them to you in my will…” Thanks. I’ll serve pinto beans on them. We can break the wind to the tune of The Star Spangled Banner. Let Papa Jack help you to understand the nature or political speech and the market for it.

You see, it’s a well-established fact that dung has always been worth money. Bat guano, for example, has always been a lucrative business, as is the excrement of seabirds. They’re valuable fertilizers for growing vegetables. The same is true of political speech. Of the same inherent nature as bat guano, it is valuable for growing vegetables, er, voters. Or, rather, voters to come vote. So they hope. But this is not the crap that is mined or gathered into bags, so to speak. It is written by the “hired guns” of the scribe world, that is ghost writers. Sometimes, entire marketing departments exist with the sole purpose to write “The Audacity of Nonsense” and “Dreams From My Campaign Manager” and so forth. Crisis of Character: A... Byrne, Gary J. Best Price: $1.88 Buy New $10.99 (as of 10:40 UTC - Details)

Here’s how it works, kids. I’m Hillificent Clonebama and I’m running for president. I haven’t got time to write speeches, not that I could anyway. I’m busy paying people off to hide evidence that could lead to a felony indictment or at the very least the equivalent of a political wedgie. Therefore, I hire Scam-Masters Public Relations Firm and Hot Dog Grill to write this crap for me. Not only will they do a better job, but they’ll do it without bursting into laughter and peeing their pants. Well, maybe they do, but at least not in the team-building meetings. They’ll even come up with a spiffy campaign slogan that one might usually read on a box of plain-wrap breakfast cereal, but there you go.

Scam-Masters has a staff of ghost writers who then write these speeches and also writes the blog that I am supposedly writing myself. If I have a book, then a ghost writer scribbled it out. Hopefully without too many things that a half-hearted investigation would turn up as more phony than a four dollar bill. I know, the phrase is “three dollar bill”, but we’ve got inflation and all that. So the price of metaphors has gone up. I know some college professor will email me and say, “That’s not really what a metaphor is, Jack!” Hey, you know what? Contact my speech writer, okay? I’m busy running for president and executive-order-daily-dictator over here.

Yes, and the buffoonery eats it all up! They actually think these people wrote the books, blogs, and speeches! I worked for a company several years ago and got to see their marketing department in action. Here’s how it’s done. Names have been changed to protect the innocent from the lawyers of the guilty: Acme Green Widgets has a green energy widget they just decided to release to the market even though it isn’t really ready yet. But because they Clinton Cash: The Unto... Schweizer, Peter Best Price: $2.30 Buy New $9.99 (as of 03:10 UTC - Details) want to pump up the company to take it public and make money off the stock, they need to release this widget and hype it up. Besides all of that, all of the performance data of the widget was cooked because the engineers cherry-picked widgets off the assembly line until a “hot rod” was found and used the performance curve off that widget to represent them all.

What Acme’s marketing department did was to write an article about this widget and then used a public relations firm who released it to the press as the “work” of a press agency who, in fact, just snapped up the “article” because it was free. Therefore, this article was published in several newspapers AS NEWS when, in truth, it was nothing more than a cleverly crafted and re-worded sales brochure. People read these articles and said, “Gosh, those widgets sound like they can save me a lot of money! I better call Acme and see about one!” What’s more, through several key phrases such as “green energy” sprinkled through the article, it turns up on web searches.

Now, the thing is, most large companies do this. But what’s more is the government does this, too. The first Gulf War back in 1990-1991 was sold to us thanks to a PR firm that manufactured the whole “atrocities” nonsense. Today, every political campaign is doing this. The Pentagon is doing this. The entire government is doing this. Our entire political system is, in a very real sense, being engineered by a few hundred writers who often don’t even know who or what they are writing for. I ask you when people are arguing about what is written in the Constitution and Bill of Rights, is anyone aware that what is written today by people wholly outside of the political establishment is determining the future of our nation? If there is one. If.

The Clintonsu2019 War ... Roger Stone, Robert Mo... Best Price: $1.79 Buy New $12.98 (as of 05:05 UTC - Details) Look in the newspaper. See these articles that seem to be somewhat biased towards Hillary? That’s because her PR firm or that of the Democratic Party wrote it and sent it out on the wire where press agencies picked it up gratis and printed it. See these articles talking about how invincible and powerful our military is? Yes, the Pentagon wrote that themselves or hired someone to write it. Because you’re sitting there and wondering how on Earth any of this is possible, right? Well, pick up your shovel and just ladle it on the rose beds because that’s what it is.

I’ve always told you: Always Assume It’s A Scam. Because it is. These politicians say what is written for them. The Pentagon and the government tells you what they want you to believe. To make sure you believe it, they make sure it isn’t seen as coming from them, but from the good old newspaper. The Soviets had Pravda and people bought it because the paper was thin enough to roll tobacco in for cigarettes. We have an allegedly privately-owned media, but it still prints propaganda because it’s free and it helps the profit margin to do that. And you’re never told that this war being sold to us is being hyped up from articles the United States military wrote.

If you believe these elections are not a sham written like a script, I’ll sell you the Golden Gate Bridge. If you believe our wars are not engineered in advance and then sold to us once they’ve decided to go ahead and start them, then I’ll sell you the Statue of Liberty. And I’ll also sell you the Constitution because the United States government is obviously not using it anymore.

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