Shortly after the flight attendant removed the dinner trays, I settled back in my seat with a couple of annual reports, notepad, pencil and a small calculator. It couldn’t have been ten minutes or so later when I sensed the passenger in the next seat peering down the papers. Just ignore him, I thought.
“You a broker?”
“No”
“I hate brokers”
The lack of a response on my part didn’t faze him. Five silent seconds passed, and then his entire body shifted as he raised his right hand over his Texas-size beer belly. I was now staring at this huge extended hand and a mouthful of teeth.
“Jim Bob McBride. Wichita.”
“Deden… my pleasure.”
“I sees you reading financial stuff, you know, and thought you were a broker. I hate them brokers because they lost me money. The stuff goes down and they tell me to buy mo’. Then, they tell me to wait. I lose mo’ money. All my buddies.. all.. we all been wiped out, man. Them big shots don’t care about people like me.. you know.. whatshisname the fellow who run AOL.. uh, Enron and stuff. They make their billions. Everybody be cheatin’ the little guy. Everybody.”
I raised my head and looked around to see if there was another empty seat nearby. None. I was about to have a conversation with Jim Bob.
“There’s good news.” I said.
“Yeah?”
“It's here in today's paper. Starting today, the government will require that brokers and analysts certify that their writings represent their personal views. It's never happened before. That should help a bit, I guess.”
“‘Bout time the govmt did something for the people. Praise the Lord. I really like this president Bush, huh? Man, he makes sure the govmt fix all this and makes the stock market go up again, huh?”
“They are working on it.”
Ten seconds of silence.
“I’m gonna fetch myself another beer… want something?”
“No, thanks.”
I kept thinking of the imperceptible but instantaneous change in the airplane’s center of gravity as Jim Bob walked forward.
u2018Bout time the govmt did something for the people.
What sheer ignorance. The fox eats your chickens and then you are grateful when she promises to build a better chicken coop.
Perhaps Mr. Harvey Goldschmid, the SEC Commissioner would want to know how grateful Jim Bob was. I'd write the letter, of course.
Thankfully, he slept for the remainder of the flight. I gave him the letter shortly before landing and we exchanged pleasantries.
“You know Amsterdam well?” I asked.
“Naah. This is the first time the mizzuz and I come to Europe. We won the trip on a raffle at Vegas last summer.”
“Oh, splendid.”
The mizzuz looked at me from the other side of the aisle and smiled. She wore her Sunday’s best.
I smiled back.
Jim Bob’s letter to SEC Commissioner Harvey Goldschmid
Wichita, 8 February 2003
Commissioner Harvey Goldschmid U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission Washington, DC
Dear Commissioner Goldschmid,
I am writing to express my gratitude to you and your staff for making new rules that can help the stock market start going up again and make our lives as investors happier. You see, up until 2000, investing was very easy for me. I watched CNBC and had faith in the American dream. While I was out shopping, all my investments were going up. Now, get this, I’ve done my part as an American. Never saved anything and always lived in a house larger than my European cousins with six televisions and a new car every two years or so. I spent and spent and helped the American economy all my life. Now, in my early 50s, America had rewarded me back with a huge increase in my portfolio. I could now retire early – and in style.
Perhaps you can sympathize with me and many others now that we’ve been wiped out. We’ve looked up to the government to protect us from the greedy capitalists and the bad people on Wall Street, and you failed us. I read on your website that “the primary mission of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) is to protect investors and maintain the integrity of the securities markets. As more and more first-time investors turn to the markets to help secure their futures, pay for homes, and send children to college, these goals are more compelling than ever.”
Yes, sir, that’s why we have a government. Between the time necessary to watch television and go to Wal-Mart, there isn’t much time left to manage my IRA. So, I need the government to help tell me where to invest and I want my investments to go up. Otherwise, what good is the advice, right?
Thank God, you guys agree with me. First, you set up a rule that requires company CEOs and CFOs to certify their companies’ statements. This is a good start and you know it. You think Bill Gates with all his billions cares about me? No sir, and I am so happy the government now makes him tell the truth. He owes it to the American people – after all, it’s people like me that have made him rich, right? If the stock doesn’t go up, I want him held responsible and punished.
Today you made me even happier when I learned that the SEC will now require that analysts also certify that their writings accurately reflect their personal views. Wow! This is very good for America Mr. Goldschmid. My wife and I will now sleep so much better. Why didn’t anyone think this before? Your press release also said that you favor the complete regulation of financial analysts. I agree with you completely sir. These analysts should make sure there is no risk and they should only analyze things that go up. If stocks don’t go up, they should be held responsible and punished too.
I should confess to you Mr. Goldschmid that I voted for Al Gore. But now, I am so happy that President Bush picks people like you to make the government better. These certifications will help us all make money again with no risks and without having to do much work on our own.
Thank you again, sir, and God bless America.
Jim Bob McBride Wichita, Kansas
February 10, 2003
