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The Presidential Debate #2

Recently by Brian Wilson: We’re Number 2!

In more ways than one.

But I digress….

8:54 PM EDT I’ve eschewed the hours of pre-debate commentary. Needless to say, I'm in a different mood. And Obama's inane chatter is not going to make it any better.

The moderator’s name is Candy Crowley, reminiscent of a Bourbon Street stripper name. I think it's really Joe Bidden * in drag. It is going to take more than beer to get through this high politician speechery. "Bring out the Rum! Put Jose Cuervo on standby!

Romney's answer to the first question was personal. He spoke directly to the young man who asked about his future. After that, it's all downhill. Romney answers with campaign talking points. Obama gives stump speeches to the audience.

Have you ever watched three man volleyball? No, I mean two against one. If you watched the debate, you have. Joe Candy Stripper pops the ball up for Obama to spike. Joe stops Romney from responding and lets Obama comment endlessly on everything.

So far, only Obama has any entertaining comments. "Gas was $1.86 a gallon because of Bush's broken economy." Please, Mr. President, let's break the economy again! Obama created all those high paying green jobs. I didn't know unemployment paid so well.

9:47 PM EDT – At this point, I can barely stand the candidates "staying on message." In English, that means "repetition until boredom descends like a cool, comforting blanket bringing the soft fog of mental stupor".

9:52 PM EDT – Obama really said it, "Osama is dead."

Now we are reduced to listening to bumper stickers.

10:00 PM EDT – Still have another hour of suffering ahead so I'm going to seek cover in generalities. I will go for any truly stupid quotables. If I don't put my ear on auto pilot, I'll have to breakout the moonshine. If I breakout the moonshine, I'll end up as the next Jimmy Hoffa or King of the Lemurs. The time I drank a jar of moonshine, I woke up in Montana next to a burned down cabin with a Chinese gang lord's wife shrieking in my ear. You never want to have the thoughts of a hangover and female shrieking in your head at the same time.

10:10 PM EDT – Libya question, "slip sliding away." How did the "buck" stop with Obama if Hillary is holding it?

This is going to sound lame but I'm going to stumble ahead anyway. There are different ways to say the pronoun "I." I'm not in the tank for Romney; I'm a libertarian. But I'm still going to say it. Romney can say "I' with humility. Obama can only say "I" with hubris. Even when Obama says "we," you know he means "all me".

10:32 PM EDT – Q: China's labor is cheaper for iPhones. How do we bring those jobs back? Romney gave the wrong answer. Obama gave the correct answer. You don't. Go for higher paying jobs.

10:40 PM EDT – Thank you, we've come to a merciful end.

Now my TV turns into a washing machine and enters the Spin Cycle. After Obama's lies, spin seems a bit redundant. As Penn and Teller once said, "How does the trick work? Easy, you lie."

10:56 PM EDT – I don't who's on TV at the moment but he's another guy who was drinking during the debate. If this is the future of TV, it could be entertaining. I think I heard the same political argument when I was closing the bar last night.

11:05 PM EDT – The pundits are punditing. The boredom is deafening. Clowns twisting weenie balloons into elephants and donkeys to amuse an audience who doesn't know what they watched for one hour forty.

11:10 PM EDT – The unfocused group think Romney has won. You won't see that story on the wire service.

11:15 PM EDT – Bring forth the Jose C! I'm going to have nightmares tonight. I hope this post-debate crap is worth it.

Obama's "cram session" was nothing more than learning to repeat all the lies spoken after the first debate, Romney lied, Romney changed his positions, Romney cheated. Obama brought the points home like a good little student but lies shrivel and die under harsh TV lights.

Romney fled back to his talking points like homing pigeon. If these debates are no more than platitudes, why bother. Is it NASCAR and we are hoping for a crash? There are skills in the debate just like NASCAR but are we thirsting for debating skill? Do we want another man who knows how to run a presidential campaign? A man with good hair? A man who speaks well? A man who says what we want to hear? Or ... do we want ... a man who honors his oath to the Constitution? God gave me Life not an Obama phone. My God given Rights do not require another to build my house, clothe my children or care for my ills.

Nature’s God has given me the Right to Life, Liberty and Private Property. What more could a man ask to make his mark on this world? Some are born rich. Some are born beautiful. Some are born athletic. But we are all born Free. And we have the Right to keep what we earn; we all prosper. It comes to be called capitalism.

Why do my liver and I put up with this crap? Because Thomas Jefferson haunts me from Montecello. If we do not stand sentinel to our own Freedom, who will? The debate is over. The spinners are spinning. The talking heads are talking. The stage lights go off. The audience herds itself to the exits. All is right in the world of politics and media. But what of the orphan abandoned in this dark hall?

Freedom is there in that now dark hall. Wrapped in a soft, pink blanket making bubbly baby sounds; she lay ignored. Among persons of importance, there is no time for orphans. The young woman at the microphone speaking "Truth to Power." has no time for a wiggling, giggling bundle of litter. The persons on stage don't see her. They are "Big Picture" men. They have no time for individuals or abstracts like Freedom. And the moderator is a woman trying to score just enough points to face her lunch bunch tomorrow.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Debate #2: The Town Hall Meeting. An assortment of men and women more desperate than hopeful, seeking government solace. On stage: two men scheming to absorb that hope and despair. Every execution needs a witness and our moderator does quite nicely.

I hear a hangover calling…

October 18, 2012

Brian Wilson [send him mail], nationally ignored talk show host and occasional LRC un-indicted co-contributor, is currently annoying miniscule audiences in a number of markets from his technically challenged studios safely outside the dictatorship of Toledo. Brian may be endured from 3p–6p at www.wspd.com.

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