Against the Eco-Worms
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I bring news of a worrying development. People have begun to drive much more slowly. Some will argue that this is because speed cameras are doing their job. And they probably have a point. When you have nine points on your licence you quickly discover a terror of ever going faster than 14mph. And these days almost everyone I know has nine points on their licence. And those who don’t will have by Wednesday morning.
There is, however, another reason people are slowing down. It began last year when we thought we were giving all our money to the oil companies. But it’s really caught on now it’s turned out we were actually giving it all to the banks.
When you are frightened that you will lose your job, you need to look after the pennies. And driving around at 40, rather than 70, is a good idea. Driving economically – or hypermiling as the Americans call it – will cost you a little time but save you a lot of money. Seriously. If I drive normally, it costs around £50 in fuel to get my Mercedes to London and back. If I drive carefully, it’s around £35.
Of course, if you have someone who is on nine points, and is also frightened of losing their job, you end up with a car that is travelling so slowly you would need at least seven fixed points in space to determine that it is moving at all.
And if they happen to have a Hyundai, or a Kia or one of those Rextons, which is made by a company you’ve never heard of in a country you couldn’t place on a map, then their speed will not be measurable at all.
This is because cars made by companies that earn most of their profits from shipping and cutting down forests, and have an automotive division only because it’s good for the local economy, are almost always rubbish.
No, really. A car made for someone who just yesterday was going to work on an ox will be of no use to people who were brought up on a diet of Ford Mustangs. Cars made for southeast Asia and Africa are tools. And so are the people in this country who buy them.
Whatever, the nationwide slowdown has met with a great deal of cheering from many quarters. The quarters you wouldn’t want to have round for dinner. Indeed, the comedian David Mitchell, writing recently in a newspaper you don’t take, said he welcomed it and that soon the petrolheads would just have to get used to the fact.
He’s quite wrong. The petrolheads will not get used to it. They will swear and curse and overtake the slowcoaches in dangerous places and there will be many more accidents and the only people who will benefit are transplant surgeons.
The only way you will get everyone to stick to the speed limits is by forcing them to do it. Physically, with satellite guidance. The technology is with us now. It’s operational. So all that’s missing is a government mad enough to impose the legislation. Which is why we can thank God this lot have only months to run.
May 29, 2009
Copyright © 2009 The Times
