Iím Being Stalked by the Republicans!
by David Franke: The
Good Old Days: Liberal†Version
Living in a
swing state like Virginia in 2012 guarantees you will be stalked
with obscene phone calls ("Mitt really cares for you, David,
he wants to see you this Wednesday in Leesburg," etc.) from
the Republican National Committee and every other assorted elephant
front. I have never experienced anything like this. Literally, at
least 10 calls a dayÖ.
What gets me
Ė why am I only getting calls from the Republicans? Donít the Democrats
care about me? I mean, I get emails every day from Barry, Michele,
Joe, the entire membership of MoveOn, and that hot Debbie chick
from Miami, but nothing says "I love you" like a telephone
call. Okay, as they reminded me yesterday, "Your contributions
so far this year are $0" and maybe that has pissed them off.
Debbie, call. There are ways you can get me to vote
for O. Call and start talking dirty to me, I know youíre good at
that. I watch you on MSNBC.
And why do
the Republicans think Iím fair game? I havenít voted Republican
in November since 1984. That was in the last century! Since then
Iíve voted for the Democratic presidential candidate twice, for
the Libertarian three times, and for Ralph Nader once. Donít they
ever give up? Whatís this nonsense about elephants having such good
it be that Iím on Republican lists because I was a Republican delegate
in my city during this yearís primary? Could the Republicans be
that good at record keeping, when they were so terrible at keeping
the books during the eight years of Dubya? Guys, that indiscretion
during the primary was for Ron Paul, not for any run-of-the-mill
corrupt Republican politician like Mitt. And the day after Ron Paulís
campaign folded, I left the Republican Party again and took a hot
shower for two hours. Have mercy Ė isnít there some way you can
stop the stalking and cross me off your sucker lists?
that or I move 20 miles west to West Virginia.
Franke [send him mail]
was one of the founders of the conservative movement in the 1950s
and 1960s. He is the author of a dozen books, including Safe
Torture Doctor, and America's
© 2012 David Franke
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