I Declare That I Am a Candidate for President! (In 2020)by
Bill Barnwell Hello, fellow Americans and readers from around the world. This is a very exciting day for me. Count this as one of my most personal and ground-breaking columns ever. I have decided that pastoring churches, journalism, being involved in my community, and all that stuff are insignificant vehicles to change the world. Therefore, I proudly declare my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States! I am a candidate! But not for 2008. I am instead looking forward and ahead. Therefore, I intend on seeking my party’s nomination for the 2020 Presidential election! I have hope that we can change the world together – in fourteen years. America needs decisive leadership and I intend to give it at the start of the decade after the next one. Why am I announcing my intentions so early you might ask? Well, for a couple reasons. As you see right now, we already have a steady stream of candidates lining up for the 2008 campaign cycle. Some are still weighing their options like Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama who said a couple months ago that they would make up their minds after last month’s mid-term elections. Basically, you can never get into this thing too early, you know? You have to understand that in the past couple of decades Presidential campaign schedules have been changing. If you’ll remember, the moment the last Presidential election was decided in 2004 there was already speculation beginning for who was going to run in 2008. Heck, I remember the first time I ever heard about the then Texas Governor George W. Bush. It was the day after the Presidential election of 1996. I was a junior in high school and was watching CNN for something to do with a class assignment. There was some pundit on there already talking about how the Republicans were floating the name of the Texas governor with the famous name for 2000. Who cares that he had only been Governor for only a couple years at that time. You gotta think ahead and you gotta have good strategy. That’s what I’m trying to do now with my campaign. With the advent of 24-hour cable news channels and the explosion of the pundit class, these campaigns just start earlier and earlier. I mean, we just can’t get enough of elections, election analysis, and all the political jockeying that comes with it. The moment after the mid-term elections ended last month the analysts and talking heads immediately shifted their focus to discussing the potential match-ups for 2008. Heck, they were doing that before the mid-term elections. Right now, I am slightly ahead of the pack in already declaring my intentions for 2020. It probably won’t be long until the networks, analysts, bloggers and other political junkies continue this awesome trend we are on and start thinking about elections in the more distant future. I have begun the process of obtaining paperwork and making contacts in the fundraising community. In the old days (as in the last decade), you needed about 20 million just to run a decent primary campaign. Now you need much more. Announcing my intentions now gives me many years to start the fundraising process. Starting this coming January I will be making the first of many required pilgrimages to Iowa and New Hampshire. Since those are two pretty small states, I figure I can knock on the doors of most registered voters from now until then. After what will be many years of political pandering I believe that I can and will win those primaries and go into South Carolina with great momentum. This will put me in a great position for the Super Tuesday primaries and allow me to raise even more money to combat negative ads while I – oh wait, I’m getting ahead of myself going into all of this. Or am I? Silly me, of course I’m not! The year 2020 will be here before we know it! Let me also clarify something before I go on. Even though I made up my mind a long time ago that I’m going to run for President (I mean, it’s only been my dream since I was a young child!) and everybody knows now that I am dead set on running, this is not my formal announcement. This is just an announcement that I’m going to officially announce soon. I’m doing it on the internet because I want to be "grassroots." I want to preferably formally announce on Larry King or a live televised speech carried by Fox News. Wait, better yet, how about during an interview with the Daily Show or Colbert Report? If anyone has any inside connections for those guys, please see if they’d be interested in televising my announcement for the 2020 election. Stephen, I’m waiting for your call. Help me out, people. If we can start getting publicity now, and start contacting all the big donors, we can suck the life out of all the other campaigns that haven’t even started yet. If we do that everybody will focus on me and just assume I’m a lock for the nomination. I can be anointed for the nomination by the party establishment just like George Bush was in 2000.Then the media will follow suit and declare me the "front-runner!" The other reason I’m not running until 2020 is, well, the constitution declares I cannot run until I’m thirty-five. In 2016 I will be just turning thirty-six and I technically would be able to run at that point. That said, I could still use the extra four years of planning, organizing and fundraising, so I think I will stick with 2020. However, if the nominee in 2016 wants to select me to join his or her ticket as the running-mate, I will consult my advisors and carefully consider it. As for now, it is full speed ahead for 2020. Even then, I’d still be the youngest elected President ever at the age of forty! This is a challenging time for America and it commands strong and ambitious leadership. If there’s anything to be said about guys like me who dream of running for President, it is that we are ambitious and we have ambitious agendas for ourselves, I mean, our nation. In the coming years I will be introducing more detailed policy positions, but all you need to know right now is that I stand for:
And last but certainly not least…
I know how to work together with a team and "form coalitions." I am compassionate and I love children and small puppies. Plus, take a look at my bio picture below. Wouldn’t that face look great on campaign posters and commercials? Most importantly, I am a very humble man who thinks little of myself and is doing all this for the sake of our nation. Come on people and news media. You know you are already getting bored talking about 2008. The people want more. It’s easy to speculate about two years from now. But what about fourteen years from now? Hey, C-SPAN, get on the ball and begin your coverage for "The Road to the White House 2020." I am ready for interviews and speeches whenever you are. And cable, think about what a blessing this candidacy is. I know it’s hard for you to say interesting and fresh stuff 24 hours a day. Now instead of finding new ways to talk about Campaign 2008 in a million different ways throughout the entire day, now you can break it up with some news pieces on the 2020 campaign cycle and my candidacy. Greta Van Susteren can talk about something other than Natalie Holloway and MSNBC can stop airing all those crummy newsmag reruns from 2001. Plus, just think about all the rest of the nonstop fresh coverage you guys could have if you start an early focus on 2012, 2016 and of course, my race for 2020? Come on pundits and political strategists, let’s continue this trend and cause these campaigns to keep starting earlier and earlier! So now my fellow Americans, in this announcement regarding my imminent announcement, I call on you to help me begin my grassroots organization. Send this column out to everybody you know. Let them know that they can be a part of my "Early Bird Express" and begin working for change come 2020. I need directors and organization for each of the 50 states, particularly in the early caucus and primary states. I need a quality web designer. I need lots and lots of money. I need lots of media. It is a daunting task, but the good news is, we have 13 years before the first caucus votes will be cast. We can do this, and based on the media trends, our campaign will begin receiving coverage very shortly.
Barnwell for President (In 2020)!!! P.S. If you do not vote for me and I am not elected, there is a very good chance that the terrorists will strike again and kill us all. Yes, this does mean I will be running as a Republican. December 7, 2006 Bill Barnwell [send him mail] is a pastor and writer from Michigan. He holds both a Master of Ministry degree and a Master of Arts in Theological Studies degree from Bethel College in Mishawaka, Indiana. You can denounce him for his blindness and underestimating the threat of the New World Order though email or by visiting his blog. Copyright © 2006 LewRockwell.com |
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