I Cured My Constipation
by James Altucher: Lessons
I Learned From Poker
is the best thing to hit this planet. Which is why lifespans are
up all over the West despite rising obesity and complete lack of
care for our bodies. No joke, theres a wikipedia entry for
Head transplants. In other words, if your body
is racked with cancer but your brain and head are fine they can
cut your head off and put on top of a dead body and you can live.
Theoretically. They havent done it yet but they will. Theyd
done it with monkeys, dogs, and rats. And with the rats they even
left the old head on. Its gross but were going to live
And you will
be a quadraplegic since right now they havent figured out
how to connect the spinal cord up.
But, like all
science, that will improve. Eventually they will figure out how
to not only attach the brain but also attach the nerves from the
spinal cord. Then you will be an old head on a brand new body and
you can walk around with it. That will happen. As usual, theres
no avoiding the crushing avalanche of science. It will run right
over you and either crush you or save you.
my head transplant takes place I have a few gripes.
sick from Lyme disease since early August. Lyme comes the bite of
a tic that has been infected by sucking the blood out of an infected
deer. I think. We live in an area right by the Hudson River and
lots of deer are running around. If you walk even a few feet from
a tall blade of grass without any leggings or pants on then theres
a reasonable chance that a tic can jump from the grass, onto your
leg, and begin its process of engorging you with the disease.
me in my area has had it. The only reason I dont get it is
because I NEVER go outside. Claudia has had the worst case Ive
seen. From August through mid November she basically slept 22 hours
a day and couldnt move without agony during the other two
one can imagine, was horrible for me! I had to shop! Where the
heck are the beets? I thought beets were purple. Where are the Danish
Butter Cookies? Dont they keep them in the cookie aisle? And
how come the butter is not next to the half and half. Arent
they all milk products.
up with dry cleaning? How am I supposed to keep around this ticket
for four days and then come back, with the right ticket, and retrieve
my clothes. How will I even remember such a thing?
to come with me into the city. Id make her laugh. Who was
going to laugh at my jokes now. I tried once with the people in
front of me. They DID NOT think it funny when I just poked my head
in front of them, mid-conversation, and said, theres
a reasonable chance we can crash head on into another train.
up together usually. About one hour in shed say, I think
Im cured! and wed be happy. But then two hours
in she wouldnt even look at me. Shed barely be walking.
Shed crawl up the stairs. And she was down for the rest of
the day and night. It was depressing.
gave her Amoxycillin. Youll be better in three days.
Then she wasnt. Then one friend of mine said go on Doxycycline.
So I called the doctor and said put her on Doxycycline. So she did.
And everything got worse. She got a Herx reaction which is when
the body negatively reacts to a drug that is lethally killing off
all the bad and good bacteria in your body. Then we went to another
doctor. He upped the dosage of Doxycycline.
She had more
of a Herx reaction. She was in pain all day. She had arthritis
symptoms, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and her EKG started to show
a left brand bundle block which means electricity is
not flowing around the heart correctly. We went to a cardiologist.
He said, we have to inject a small amount of radiation in
there to see if theres a further problem. But we said
no to that. He said in the worst case, people with an
LBBB get a heart transplant. NO WAY! Shes just got lyme disease.
This is a sympton not a permanent thing.
We were both
getting really scared.
she was also having neurological problems. I wont get into
it. But they were bad. Hallucinations. Other problems. So: heart,
brain, joints, sleep, and the more medicine she took, the worse
she got. And one doctor was suggesting the possibility of a heart
transplant. Our general practitioner, who had lyme disease twice
before herself, said, I give up, I dont know what to
do. And the lyme specialist was getting ready to up the dosage
even more: a hospital stay with intravenous antibiotics. I kept
reading stories about people who took antibiotics for years. Claudia
had to cancel everything in her life. This was going to ruin her.
sick of Claudias Lyme Disease)
landlord (we rent, we
dont own) said this Chinese doctor in the city cured him
of prostate cancer. Everybody was giving advice but when I heard
the words prostate cancer my ears perked up. Theres
only so much advice one can follow but if this guy can potentially
avert future problems for me also then it was definitely worth it.
It was Claudias
first trip on a train in three months and she almost couldnt
make it. I had to drag her into the office. The office was a complete
hole in the wall on 65th street on the east side. There was a picture
of Sarah Ferguson, Dutchess of York, on the wall, Thank you
for saving my life.
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© 2011 The
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